Attack of the Tobacco Spongers

I've come to the decision of giving up on smoking. Not just for the obvious reasons of it being unhealthy and financially draining, but also because of the legions of tobacco spongers marching through the city in civil uniforms.

At least once a day I was approached by one of the troopers with the generic phrase: “Could you spare a cigarette, mate?”. There was no scientifically proven way of evading these people. Often I contemplated hiding the cigarettes up my ass, but it would be no surprise, if they just stuck their heads up there as well asking: “Could you spare a cigarette, mate?”. What the hell was wrong with these people? The majority of these people had the financial means of buying a pack of cigarettes. I was a fairly travelled man, but had never come across this phenomenon. Not only was it an obvious and bad phenomenon, these encounters were also increasing at an alarming rate.

You could find yourself in the middle of a completely empty street. Not a single soul would be in sight. Tumble weed would be passing in front of you along with old newspapers. It was when you put that blasted lighter to the cigarette, a hole in the space time continuum would take place. The scenery of an abandoned part of town would transform into a busy medieval market place. Out of thin air these spongers would appear like cocks and do their default church choir line up for you and sing: “Could you spare a cigarette, mate?”. Sing you motherfuckers sing. I was through with the bullshit. I was kicking the habit.